I don't know what the best strategy for dealing with this is. Usually I go to bed when Loren does which is pretty early for me. I'm in bed before I'm actually tired and end up reading myself to sleep. This results in waking up around 2am and not being able to fall back to sleep for 2 hours or so. This past week I've been staying up until I'm actually ready to fall asleep. This means I go to bed around 1am. Loren wakes up around 6am for work. His alarm wakes me up. I drift in and out of sleep while he gets ready. Not every morning, but often, by the time he leaves the house between 7 and 7:30 I'm awake. I stopped drinking coffee thinking that was keeping me up, but I'm a complete zombie without it. I drink it and I can't sleep. I get really thirsty at night but tried to stop drinking water at night so I wouldn't have to get up for the bathroom so much. Then didn't do that for long because I don't think it's good to be pregnant and dehydrated. I've been trying to keep really active during the day, but that seems to be just making me more over tired and cranky. Still can't sleep. Some mornings I can and do sleep in and then I feel bad, like I'm wasting the day. I'm trying to get past that feeling by doing more of the stuff I want to get done at night.
Nights have been especially unpleasant because Loren and I have been sleeping in separate rooms. No, we're not reconsidering whether or not we should be in a relationship. He came down with the flu last week and it's really sticking around. He traveled to San Diego to present at a principals conference on Wednesday, came back Thursday with excruciating stomach pains and a fever. Went to the doctor on Friday and on Saturday he woke up with the flu. By woke up I mean got out of bed at 12:30 (pm), laid on the couch for about an hour and then went back to bed, got back up around 6 or so, looked gray, laid on the couch for about an hour and then went back to bed and didn't wake up until after 9 the next day. Sunday we were able to get out for a walk. He worked all week because the other administrator at the school was out with what sounded like an even worse version of what he had. Now it's Friday again and he's still sick. We've been super careful about staying away from each other. We haven't kissed him since he got back, my hands are about to crack they are so dry from excessive washing and he's staying in the guest room. It's no fun. I'm feeling more and more needy everyday and I just want to cuddle up with him on the couch, but I also don't want to get near his sickness. The kicker is that he had planned a romantic weekend get away for us to go to Suncadia Resort and Spa because our baby shower that was supposed to have happen that weekend was canceled due to Jack and Karen having the flu. Stupid flu.
Obviously I'm doing a little venting here. It's not all bad though. The best part of the night is right when I lay down and Lily starts kicking me. She really does not like it when I have anything resting on my belly like my arm or the iPad. She's been shifting a lot lately which is so strange to watch. A few times I've rubbed my belly to scratch it and I can feel body parts. I never expect to feel an arm or leg and it freaks me out every time. So crazy that there is a human being growing inside me. I'm still not wrapping my head around that.
I'm glad you forwarded me this because I can't ever remember how to find it! It's weird typing to you since you're in the next room but I think a combination of the flu, a baby, normal work/life pressures, and lots of transitions have made it so we're not communicating as effectively as we normally do. Makes sense since both of us have been dealing with a ton of stuff beyond our control.
ReplyDeleteHaving a baby is scary. I'm not scared at all about the delivery since I feel pretty confident about us and the hospital and the fact that people have been delivering babies forever. I'm scared about how I'm going to be as a father and husband and if I'm going to be able to support both of you and keep you both happy and figure out how to be a good father and a good principal and make enough money so that you both have the things you want but stay home enough so I can be close with both of you. With the baby coming up it's like my brain is a giant blender (sickness doesn't help AT ALL!). A giant blender of leftover childhood parent relationship residue and all the ways I want to be like my parents and all the ways I don't want to be like my parents and that's swirling around with all the fears I have about myself as a husband and a father and that's mixing up with fears I have about my own health and my job and my future jobs and all of that is bumping up against my hopes and fears as your husband and Liliana's father and my students and staff. Sometimes it feels like so much is counting on me to be way better than I am. That's the scary part of birth for me. And I don't want to focus on that but I think if I don't, at least a little, then I don't do as good of a job focusing on you.
I love you and I love reading this. I think I'm going to go give you a shoulder massage.