I hadn't known my husband for more than two months before he started in on me to have a baby. His constant pestering lead to progressively harsher responses from me, starting from"eventually", "someday", "not me, not now", "leave me alone", to "have your own damn baby".

Last Spring something in me started to shift and I became more and more serious about the possibility of having a baby. After months of internal dialog, I finally gathered the courage to share the news with my husband who was expectedly ecstatic. (I haven't told the dogs yet - they are going to be devastated!)

Sharing the news with Loren, my husband, opened the flood gates and I finally started researching what to expect, what to eat, what to do to prepare, and what the birthing process would look like....which at first was pretty anxiety provoking, as I started out by watching "The Business of Being Born" (not recommended as a place to start).

Here I plan to document interesting, perception changing information I come across in what will be a successful journey towards a positive pregnancy and childbirth.


Sunday, May 20, 2012

Epi...oh no, not me!!

In the discussion on the birthing process I feel like I should begin with where I started, not where I'm at right now. By "started" I mean, what was my mind set when I first decided I wanted to have a baby (Ugh, I hesitate to even write that, "have a baby", wow, I'm very freaked out about this pregnancy thing becoming a reality, anyways, I digress...). This past Winter one of my co-workers, as well as a neighbor, both had babies within a couple of weeks of each other. I got to see them grow in girth and excitement. Interacting with the two of them made it harder and harder not to begin to think more seriously about entering this next stage of life.

Both women were planning to have a home birth. One was unable to because of complications that I still don't know the details of and the other successfully had her baby in her home with a midwife and the assistance of her husband. Having been less interested at the time, they mentioned home birth, I nodded and thought "that's crazy" and moved on to my next string of thoughts.  in regards to childbirth I've always said I want the epidural, knock me out, do whatever you have to do. I have been scared to death of the pain, exhaustion, suspension of privacy that come along with that little bundle of joy.

Separately, they both recommended watching "The Business of Being Born"and warned, "If you can handle watching Rikki Lake give birth in a bath tub, it's worth checking out" or maybe it was more like "If you are at all thinking about having kids you should watch this film".  Maybe out of some sort of superstition I didn't want to start the research until it was official.  While it took me, literally, months to gather the courage to tell my husband I was ready to (gulp) start planning to have a kid, I have since dove right in on educating myself. Starting by watching "The Business of Being Born".

...which was probably a little more head on than I was ready for.

I'm not sure I would recommend this approach to others who are petrified of childbirth or to those who are even mild to moderately concerned. This was a night Loren went to bed early. Eager to check it out, I netflixed the film and hunkered down on the couch with the pups ready for an educational experience.  While I was just looking to gain a little perspective, my world view on child birth was violently rocked.   I remained on aforementioned couch for the duration of the movie FROZEN IN FEAR.  Prior to watching "The Business of Being Born" I didn't even realize the depth of my fears around child birth.

While watching the movie it all seemed to be lose lose. The way hospital births are portrayed is so scary. Epidurals numbing not just the bottom half of your body, but all your emotions, along with the baby. Then there's home births, and although the message was obviously in favor of birthing at home, all I could focus on was the excruciating pain these women were going through. I'm not a crier, but oh my, that movie put a tear in my eye. The choice seemed to be a) go to the hospital, be rushed in and out as quickly as possible, be poked and prodded by countless strangers, become so drugged up you barely experience the birth of your child, pop it out and have it taken away immediately or b) have the kid in the comfort of your own home while experiencing the most pain you had ever experienced in your life. Much to my surprise, option b most appealed to me.

Still shaken to the core, I went to work the next day and told my co-worker (the one who just had the baby), about watching "The Business of Being Born" the night before. I expressed my freaked out'edness, but mentioned that it had also made me want to learn more about home births. She immediately ran out to her car and gave me her copy of "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth".  I started reading that night and could not put it down! I would highly, highly suggest this book to anyone who would be willing to read it with an open mind. Between Ina May, one of the nations most outspoken advocated for natural and home births, and Rikki Lake (really?! really.) I have a completely new perspective on what child birth can and should be: a very powerful experience that is empowering as our bodies are built to endure the process, and while not all births are painless, it is an experience that connects women to women past, present, and future all over the world.

Now I have 9 months, plus however long it takes to get a bun in the oven to really convince myself of that.

Thanks Ina.  Thanks Rikki.


Resources referred to in this post:

The Business of Being Born - Netflix Streaming - FREE
The Business of Being Born - Amazon Rent for $2.99

More of the Business of Being Born is currently streaming for free on Netflix. I've only watched the 1st one so far and it was Rikki on The Farm interviewing Ina and some of the other midwives.  This might be a good intro to Ina.  By the time I watched it I had already read all of her books, so it was not new information.

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth - Amazon

UPDATE (October 2012): I have a pretty different perspective on this now that my belly is growing and the reality of having to push a baby out is becoming more....real. I think pregnancy is 9 months for a reason. You have that time to process things and prepare. With child birth being such a scary thing for me, I think trying to plan and feel like know what the day of delivery will look like takes some of the fear out of it. However, deep down I know that I can't really plan for anything and when I go into labor it's not going to matter if I am not in the most ideal, comforting setting (hospitals totally freak me out), I'm just going to want the baby to be safe and healthy and out. I feel much less drawn to home birth for the 1st time around as I think more and more about it.

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  1. M.DemoOctober 7, 2012 at 4:36 PM

    I have a pretty different perspective on this now that my belly is growing and the reality of having to push a baby out is becoming more....real. I think pregnancy is 9 months for a reason. You have that time to process things and prepare. With child birth being such a scary thing for me, I think trying to plan and feel like know what the day of delivery will look like takes some of the fear out of it. However, deep down I know that I can't really plan for anything and when I go into labor it's not going to matter if I am not in the most ideal, comforting setting (hospitals totally freak me out), I'm just going to want the baby to be safe and healthy and out. I feel much less drawn to home birth for the 1st time around as I think more and more about it.

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